Purple Revolver (2 fingered)

Death to your Underpants

In the mechanical folds of my washing machine you dispose of your sultry nature

Scratch your balls through age-worn garments, which, like me, have seen your better days

A sock displaced from its commune

Finds itself pinned to the notice board (which in theory should be attached to your forehead with map pins)

“Sock sought for nights out with a perfect match, bored of being lonely, lets pair up and paint the town red.”

The humour is wrung from my life like wet bubble wrap through a mangle

I pop at unprecedented intervals

There’s just no telling when I might explode

Over a coffee ring on the cover of my new book of example

Or when your transparent underpants wrap themselves snugly around the drum during the final spin cycle of now what appears to be

Our relationship

Page 684

Indesit

·Energy rating A.

·Washing performance A.

·Spinning performance C.

·Maximum spin speed 1100rpm.

·Maximum washing capacity 6kg.

·Variable washing temperature.

Buy now pay later with map pins in your forehead and my knickers wound in knots around your throat?

I’m easy.

© Marjorie Razorblade

"Consumerism for Beginners"

Buy more live less

I like my own mess

Consumerism not for everyone

But my friends, I digress….

I don’t recycle I don’t have a bin

Randomised plastic crap and it’s full to the brim

I idly complain that my flat stinks of shit

Its mine,

And well pal

I can fucking well do what I like with it.

Buy less and live more

Jehovah witness knock on my front door

With Bibles and pictures of children with Hippos

And Lions wear signs that say No Fucking Gypos

And they don’t get AIDS, God forbid that they should

And would a blood transfusion do them any good?

And they sail off to paradise in ark made of wood

And live on their island without any shrink wrapping

In their eco toilets where their too busy crapping

The pulses and beans that make anarchists mental

Scrimping and saving dividing their lentil

And Sainsburys shelves burst at the seams

And Jamie grins smugly, advertises overpriced

Mung beans

'Try something new today'

I tell myself blindly

That Crime doesn’t pay

I cant recycle, don’t have a green bin

So what should I leave out?

And what do I put in?

Do I buy fair trade and become all consuming

Dodge the black cloud of responsible living that’s looming?

And the fucking hypocrisy is evident although washed down the drain:

Buy Fair trade

Stick it all on a plane

And then consumers cry out “Stop global warming!”

The black clouds pile up and the brew begins storming

I buy less live less

Tell myself crime doesn’t pay,

And hand over fist for fuck-all I pay

My carrots from Waitrose cost more

And don’t last one fucking day….

So I can’t compost and I live in a flat

And I don’t recycle and that’s pretty much that

I blame the council, I blame barren society

Do this and do that with such cunningly sobriety

And I don’t recycle, there in print, notoriety

If I could mate I would

But I cant get a bin

And so

What should I leave out

What should I put in?

Buy more

Live less

Air miles, recycle, free trade and I’m bloody well going to kill myself

For a plot of dirt

A row of runner beans and a pretty pink skirt,

Sewed by the children in sweat shops of China

Bought it in Oxfam and what could be finer?

Fair-Trade burgers in some corporate diner

And gallons of oil shipped by in a Texaco liner

I’d rather go naked than wear one fucking stitch

Wear a gap t-shirt - or - live in a ditch

And these paper knickers are starting to itch

Ladies your tampons are now obsolete

Stick a cup up your minge or tear up an old sheet

And winter is coming in July, fucking sleet

And the man with the sandwich board walks up my street

“The End is Nigh,”

He says with a sigh

And I shake my head and I still wonder why

When do we implode?

When do we give in?

I can’t recycle

I don’t have a bin

So what should I leave out?

And just what do I put in?

© Marjorie Razorblade 2007

Comments: Four floor flat no recycling provided. I carry it all to work and do it there. If the old school people who tell us that we have to recycle, bothered to do it in the first fucking place, we wouldn’t have to. Am I just being pedantic? Free Trade? Sure fly it all over in a plane you anti global warming fuck.

Today someone touched a nerve. It was a flyer which said

“Recycle Now!”

I’d better stop there.

Smile

I've been exposed to the infective world of laughter

And it breaks my heart to find the cure lies elsewhere

I tried everything

To bring laughter to your life and a promise of happiness

But it was all in vain nothing lasts forever

And I can only laugh for the shortest while

When slowly your laughter becomes the ghost of my smile.

© Marjorie Razorblade